Saturday, February 25, 2012
Spiritual Growth and Dreams
Sorry I haven't had time to write a new post lately! Thankyou so much for reading the previous ones, lots of people told me that they were reading! I pray that what God is showing me is blessing all of you and that you are touched by Jesus' love. I pray that He fills you with a deeper revelation of His ways and a deeper knowing of His character. God is so good.
These last couple weeks I have had the privilege of having Loren Cunningham speak to our class. We were joined up with the YWAM ships DTS for a week while Loren was speaking on the future of the medical missions movement. It was a pretty crazy week. We started the week in the prayer room here praying for a ship that was given to YWAM ships. God spoke to many people the same verses and the same pictures, I love that!!! I love paying attention to what God is doing in a group of people and how He speaks. I learn to understand the ways of God more when I am paying attention to how He speaks and what He is doing corporately. Listening to Loren speak and tell different stories this week on listening to God and obeying His voice just skyrocketed my faith level and my boldness on stepping out in what He speaks to me. A few weeks ago there were a bunch of people in my school that needed money for our outreach deposits. I was really reluctant to give because I am trying to raise money myself for our outreach and I was thinking to myself, "Lord I need money myself, I don't want to give to some of these kids who maybe didn't do any support raising or just decided at the last minute to come and didn't have any funding." I know so selfish huh. I very clearly heard God tell me to give a certain amount to one person and then heard Him tell me to give another amount to another person. So I said yes to the Lord and gave. I felt joy immediately when i gave! I kind of then forgot for a couple weeks that i gave a certain amount. Then one of my friends from back home deposited the exact amount into my paypal account!!!! hahhahahhahahha I love Jesus! He is so faithful. I'm pretty sure He just wanted to see my response. I wish I had given more now :) God is so good.
Loren spoke on a bunch of stories like this. Stories of stepping out in faith on what God spoke to him. That is pretty much how YWAM started and now it sends out more missionaries than any other ministries in the world. All from listening to God and obeying. So simple but so hard at the same time, to step out in faith and go for it. I don't say all this to say we always have to "do" things for God in works but rather to share what God is highlighting in my own life right now. I am totally feeling the desire in my heart to jump in the water and do full time missions.
It is a wonderful thing to be in the place where you hear about all God is doing in the nations of the world. It's provoking me to ask God more and more where He wants me and what He wants me to do. I am falling more in love with Jesus. My perspective has shifted so much off of myself and onto the lost and onto Jesus. This may offend some but God has personally shown me that it is not so much about my fruitfullness but its all about intimacy with Jesus. Out of intimacy comes healing for the nations and fruit through Jesus working through me. So phew, it's really just all about Jesus. YWAM stresses this sooooo much, which is wonderful because really looking at bringing the gospel and healing to the lost world appears like a very large task, but if it's all about intimacy with Jesus, out of intimacy comes strategies and blueprints from heaven. It's actually on God's heart to touch the lost more than it is on our hearts, so He knows the best way.
So on another note, I lead worship for my class Friday morning. This would make some people very happy to hear since I have been harassed to do this before. I had so much fun and the Spirit of God came and totally it was awesome. YAY God!
There is a lot going on with my outreach that I cannot really put on the internet but please be in prayer for us. God is opening doors that no man can shut! But we definitely need prayer coverage to get into places and do the things we feel God wants us to do. I also am still raising funds for this portion of the trip. I need another 2500 so if God places it on your heart, you can find my paypal account on this page.
Also pray for my room. God is doing a lot of healing in a lot of people here and I have been praying and counseling a lot of girls here and I love it but I have had some sleepless nights and been getting migraine headaches a lot. Which is not completely uncommon for me but this is an area I want victory in and I believe God wants to heal me! Thankyou so much!
These last couple weeks I have had the privilege of having Loren Cunningham speak to our class. We were joined up with the YWAM ships DTS for a week while Loren was speaking on the future of the medical missions movement. It was a pretty crazy week. We started the week in the prayer room here praying for a ship that was given to YWAM ships. God spoke to many people the same verses and the same pictures, I love that!!! I love paying attention to what God is doing in a group of people and how He speaks. I learn to understand the ways of God more when I am paying attention to how He speaks and what He is doing corporately. Listening to Loren speak and tell different stories this week on listening to God and obeying His voice just skyrocketed my faith level and my boldness on stepping out in what He speaks to me. A few weeks ago there were a bunch of people in my school that needed money for our outreach deposits. I was really reluctant to give because I am trying to raise money myself for our outreach and I was thinking to myself, "Lord I need money myself, I don't want to give to some of these kids who maybe didn't do any support raising or just decided at the last minute to come and didn't have any funding." I know so selfish huh. I very clearly heard God tell me to give a certain amount to one person and then heard Him tell me to give another amount to another person. So I said yes to the Lord and gave. I felt joy immediately when i gave! I kind of then forgot for a couple weeks that i gave a certain amount. Then one of my friends from back home deposited the exact amount into my paypal account!!!! hahhahahhahahha I love Jesus! He is so faithful. I'm pretty sure He just wanted to see my response. I wish I had given more now :) God is so good.
Loren spoke on a bunch of stories like this. Stories of stepping out in faith on what God spoke to him. That is pretty much how YWAM started and now it sends out more missionaries than any other ministries in the world. All from listening to God and obeying. So simple but so hard at the same time, to step out in faith and go for it. I don't say all this to say we always have to "do" things for God in works but rather to share what God is highlighting in my own life right now. I am totally feeling the desire in my heart to jump in the water and do full time missions.
It is a wonderful thing to be in the place where you hear about all God is doing in the nations of the world. It's provoking me to ask God more and more where He wants me and what He wants me to do. I am falling more in love with Jesus. My perspective has shifted so much off of myself and onto the lost and onto Jesus. This may offend some but God has personally shown me that it is not so much about my fruitfullness but its all about intimacy with Jesus. Out of intimacy comes healing for the nations and fruit through Jesus working through me. So phew, it's really just all about Jesus. YWAM stresses this sooooo much, which is wonderful because really looking at bringing the gospel and healing to the lost world appears like a very large task, but if it's all about intimacy with Jesus, out of intimacy comes strategies and blueprints from heaven. It's actually on God's heart to touch the lost more than it is on our hearts, so He knows the best way.
So on another note, I lead worship for my class Friday morning. This would make some people very happy to hear since I have been harassed to do this before. I had so much fun and the Spirit of God came and totally it was awesome. YAY God!
There is a lot going on with my outreach that I cannot really put on the internet but please be in prayer for us. God is opening doors that no man can shut! But we definitely need prayer coverage to get into places and do the things we feel God wants us to do. I also am still raising funds for this portion of the trip. I need another 2500 so if God places it on your heart, you can find my paypal account on this page.
Also pray for my room. God is doing a lot of healing in a lot of people here and I have been praying and counseling a lot of girls here and I love it but I have had some sleepless nights and been getting migraine headaches a lot. Which is not completely uncommon for me but this is an area I want victory in and I believe God wants to heal me! Thankyou so much!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Hearing God
This past week we joined up with 2 other schools, the NorthEast Asia school and the Go Asia school for a week with Donna Jordan speaking. She mainly spoke on hearing God. Something pretty fundamental when you have a relationship with God but yet it is still hard to hear God at times. Why is this? Well for me, this week the one thing I mainly discovered about myself is that I rarely repent of my sins! One day in class, I was actually trying to remember the last time I asked for forgiveness, even for the little things. I couldn't remember. I realized through the teachings and through reading the word this week that this is one main hindrance for me to hear the voice of God. Lack of repentance. I think ultimately it has to do with my apathy...sometimes I just don't care. I know that sounds horrible but when you aren't feeling it, it's hard to care. I realized that this is the same as when you are in a love relationship, maybe a husband/wife scenario since I have soooo many examples of that in my life :) Sometimes, you don't feel in love all the time, or even any feelings at all for that person. In fact that person may drive you crazy, but you choose to love in those moments. Usually, your emotions follow your choices. So this past week I chose to repent for things that were buried deep and things at the surface. All around me people were having these deep moments with God. People were weeping all around me, and praying with one another. After I repented though, I was soooo joyful!!! I was smiling and looking all around me so happy!!! This is when the revelation of joyful repentance came. God is not angry, He loves me. He loves you. He joyfully receives me and it's His delight to bless me and forgive me.
So that was last week. I know it seems like I am learning more deeper about Jesus than I am medical stuff and well that's because, I am. How can I take His healing to the nations if I myself cannot carry the heart of Jesus everywhere I go. Mother Theresa spent 4 hours every morning before the cross. People were telling her that she was wasting her time and there were sick children everywhere waiting for her. Her response was that she needed to spend time remembering what Jesus did for her and why she did what she did, otherwise she couldn't go out and face the world as it is.
Some of my classmates, Hailey and Taylor
Learning how to purify water using seeds
This week we are hearing a lot of different opportunities with YWAM. The possibilities are endless. If you are my coworker you should feel confident that I am coming home to KC to rejoin you in June :) I knew what you were thinking. Longterm, I have a lot of dreams in how I want to serve Jesus. I love children...I fully believe Jesus gave me a gift of compassion for the sick children, and I love serving them and their families. I pray for the grace to continue in that in some capacity. Let's just say I'm praying for strategies and plans for my vision to become reality. This week is inspiring me to dream big. God gives us desires, visions, and dreams for a reason! He wants to glorify His Son through us. There a lot of people who took risks and because they trusted God with their vision, they stepped out in faith and God helped make the vision a reality. I want to always walk humbly in the way Jesus leads me.
I definitely am going to China and North Korea for my outreach. This week God confirmed that this was the right decision in 2 ways. I watched a documentary on North Korea because my brother Vinny an my sister Joy and about 10 other people kept telling me about this thing. So, I prayed for the Lord to give me a heart for the nation and a heart of intercession because I honestly felt very removed from the nation's situation seeing as I am an Italian American :) As I watched the documentary, I wept. It wasn't even at the rough parts! I just wept and thought about the pure evil and brainwashing that goes on there. I asked God why I was worthy to go into such as place representing Him. I was reminded of Moses as he was going into Egypt and I had this knowing that He is with me. Then this morning Loren Cunningham randomly spoke to all the schools for an hour and he spoke on the China and Korea. I was totally excited because I asked God to confirm where I was going. If I am going into such a godless place I need to know I'm really supposed to go. So I feel very confident now. I know no matter where I go, God will use me to show His love to His people.
The sunset when I was running one evening
So that was last week. I know it seems like I am learning more deeper about Jesus than I am medical stuff and well that's because, I am. How can I take His healing to the nations if I myself cannot carry the heart of Jesus everywhere I go. Mother Theresa spent 4 hours every morning before the cross. People were telling her that she was wasting her time and there were sick children everywhere waiting for her. Her response was that she needed to spend time remembering what Jesus did for her and why she did what she did, otherwise she couldn't go out and face the world as it is.
Some of my classmates, Hailey and Taylor
This week we are hearing a lot of different opportunities with YWAM. The possibilities are endless. If you are my coworker you should feel confident that I am coming home to KC to rejoin you in June :) I knew what you were thinking. Longterm, I have a lot of dreams in how I want to serve Jesus. I love children...I fully believe Jesus gave me a gift of compassion for the sick children, and I love serving them and their families. I pray for the grace to continue in that in some capacity. Let's just say I'm praying for strategies and plans for my vision to become reality. This week is inspiring me to dream big. God gives us desires, visions, and dreams for a reason! He wants to glorify His Son through us. There a lot of people who took risks and because they trusted God with their vision, they stepped out in faith and God helped make the vision a reality. I want to always walk humbly in the way Jesus leads me.
I definitely am going to China and North Korea for my outreach. This week God confirmed that this was the right decision in 2 ways. I watched a documentary on North Korea because my brother Vinny an my sister Joy and about 10 other people kept telling me about this thing. So, I prayed for the Lord to give me a heart for the nation and a heart of intercession because I honestly felt very removed from the nation's situation seeing as I am an Italian American :) As I watched the documentary, I wept. It wasn't even at the rough parts! I just wept and thought about the pure evil and brainwashing that goes on there. I asked God why I was worthy to go into such as place representing Him. I was reminded of Moses as he was going into Egypt and I had this knowing that He is with me. Then this morning Loren Cunningham randomly spoke to all the schools for an hour and he spoke on the China and Korea. I was totally excited because I asked God to confirm where I was going. If I am going into such a godless place I need to know I'm really supposed to go. So I feel very confident now. I know no matter where I go, God will use me to show His love to His people.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Pictures of this week
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| Roomate dinner night |
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| Kansas City takeover. Sasha, Jon, and Seth |
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| Learning to build a sink |
Heidi Baker Week
This week has been CRAZY!!! We had corporate week with all of the YWAM family here in Kona, which included all the DTS schools and pretty much anyone else that wanted to join. We got to hear from Darlene Cunningham a few times this week which was amazing and we got to hear from Heidi Baker a few times also. I am sooooo happy that I got to hear Heidi speak. I'm sure those of you who have been in one of her meetings can totally identify with that. I actually forgot who was speaking and felt like I was hearing the heart of Jesus the whole time. I have been in a LOT of meetings with great speakers and have never felt the presence of God in the way that I did this week. From the moment she got on stage, she waited on the Holy Spirit. She took her time and then bam, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit fall. She spoke on John 15. I would type it all out but its too long and I don't have a lot of time. Abiding in Christ....she spoke on it but actually practiced it too. It's not like Heidi is more special than any of us but I was actually really touched by the way she connects with Jesus, it's like she has an umbilical cord attached to the heart of Jesus and is in constant communion with Him. Nothing flashy, she actually was the happiest, most joyful person I've ever seen. She hugged like everybody there. I went to the bathroom and she came in there barefoot and just hugged all of us in there and asked us if we were getting rocked by Jesus...haha. "For without me you can do nothing."
The whole theme this week with all the speakers was "the dreams of your heart." This is totally something that I am for because I love encouraging people to go for it with the dreams that are in their hearts. I love when people risk big and realize that God gave them dreams, strategies, and plans for a reason. For example, Morgan Perry spoke this week also. Morgan helped produce the Sex and Money film, which is a documentary about child human trafficking in the US. I grew up with Morgan and some of her team so I was really excited to see her up there speaking about the strategies and visions that God gave her and her stepping out against opposition and fighting injustice. She spoke on keeping Christ the center of everything. They had an intercessory prayer team wtih them the entire time they were out filming and researching. They worshipped together every morning and realized their main ministry was to each other and loving each other. Their original team is still together and they are so unified which the enemy hates. I love that!!! I totally know that the people on my team are my main ministry. How can i pour out love on others in other countries if i first don't love God and then love my neighbor? I love that the Sex and Money crew is working to abolish the sex trade against all opposition. I know their hearts and they are setting Christ first in their lives and doing what they feel God is telling them and leading them.
This week was jam packed with schedules and meetings and I had zero free time until after 9pm every day and i just found my processing time at that time. During this processing time, I just spoke to the Lord and told Him, "Lord, how can I live a missionary lifestyle when I am so tired right now and I'm in Hawaii, land of paradise?" I just felt God taking years of weariness and heaviness away from me and all the years of taking care of myself and having to work hard to provide for myself and others away. I felt His heart for me and He told me that I have dreams in my heart that He loves and I don't have to worry about finances and livelihood. I will find joy when i live the dreams of my heart, because He delights in me and delights to give me the desires of my heart, in whatever way I want to serve Him. So now I am praying for strategies and plans and dreams to make things happen.
I pray that you abide in His love this week as I am right now :) I pray that God gives you dreams and that you risk your fear to go for it!
The whole theme this week with all the speakers was "the dreams of your heart." This is totally something that I am for because I love encouraging people to go for it with the dreams that are in their hearts. I love when people risk big and realize that God gave them dreams, strategies, and plans for a reason. For example, Morgan Perry spoke this week also. Morgan helped produce the Sex and Money film, which is a documentary about child human trafficking in the US. I grew up with Morgan and some of her team so I was really excited to see her up there speaking about the strategies and visions that God gave her and her stepping out against opposition and fighting injustice. She spoke on keeping Christ the center of everything. They had an intercessory prayer team wtih them the entire time they were out filming and researching. They worshipped together every morning and realized their main ministry was to each other and loving each other. Their original team is still together and they are so unified which the enemy hates. I love that!!! I totally know that the people on my team are my main ministry. How can i pour out love on others in other countries if i first don't love God and then love my neighbor? I love that the Sex and Money crew is working to abolish the sex trade against all opposition. I know their hearts and they are setting Christ first in their lives and doing what they feel God is telling them and leading them.
This week was jam packed with schedules and meetings and I had zero free time until after 9pm every day and i just found my processing time at that time. During this processing time, I just spoke to the Lord and told Him, "Lord, how can I live a missionary lifestyle when I am so tired right now and I'm in Hawaii, land of paradise?" I just felt God taking years of weariness and heaviness away from me and all the years of taking care of myself and having to work hard to provide for myself and others away. I felt His heart for me and He told me that I have dreams in my heart that He loves and I don't have to worry about finances and livelihood. I will find joy when i live the dreams of my heart, because He delights in me and delights to give me the desires of my heart, in whatever way I want to serve Him. So now I am praying for strategies and plans and dreams to make things happen.
I pray that you abide in His love this week as I am right now :) I pray that God gives you dreams and that you risk your fear to go for it!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Working
So I realized today that you can learn a lot about a person by how willing they are to jump in and do some manual labor. My work duty every day from 3-5 is working on the Korean Organic Farm. So this involves a lot of manual labor, shoveling, dirt, poisonous centipedes, and so forth. It's hard work but I have found that this is a good time for me to not have to think about anything. It's mindless. Sometimes I need mindless hard manual labor that helps me just escape. So, today our farm leader was asking people to turn compost. There are like 15 large compost piles held together by wooden slats and it involves a lot of getting dirty, shoveling, using a wheelbarrow, and bugs. This is like the nitty gritty work on the farm and nobody truly enjoys it. I didn't want to raise my hand because well, it sucks. Alas, nobody was wanting to do it so I raised my hand and bit the bullet. It was then that God spoke to me and said, "Marianna, if you can't shovel some dirt and serve me, how can you ever help the poor and sick in other countries and serve me, do you think one is greater than the other? I am producing in you good character." At that moment, my whole attitude changed, because I realized that in all things I want to glorify Jesus whether I'm shoveling dirt and nobody sees it or whether I'm serving the sick. He sees all and knows all, and I want to have a servant's heart.
Matthew 25:45 says: "And he will answer, I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me."
1 Corinthians 10:31 says: "Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."
On another note, we find out our outreach options at the end of this week and maybe deciding where we want to go. I still have no clue where God wants me. So I'm praying about that for now. I know a bunch of people have been texting me asking if I have a paypal account for you to support me during outreach, I am gonna figure out how to make one of those like tonight. I'll try to figure out how to link it to here for you who wanted to support me. Thanks for your prayers and encouraging words. I'm finding out a LOT about myself this week and I'll go into further detail about that when I have processed it. :)
Matthew 25:45 says: "And he will answer, I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me."
1 Corinthians 10:31 says: "Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."
On another note, we find out our outreach options at the end of this week and maybe deciding where we want to go. I still have no clue where God wants me. So I'm praying about that for now. I know a bunch of people have been texting me asking if I have a paypal account for you to support me during outreach, I am gonna figure out how to make one of those like tonight. I'll try to figure out how to link it to here for you who wanted to support me. Thanks for your prayers and encouraging words. I'm finding out a LOT about myself this week and I'll go into further detail about that when I have processed it. :)
Monday, January 16, 2012
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